Today was one of those days where nothing really went my way. Yet, through it all I managed to keep a smile on my face and that's all that matters.
One of my goals from the checklist is to get a 4.0 GPA. I know what your thinking. Wow, she's one of those. And yet, I don't really think I am one of those. In fact, I don't really even know what one of those means.
I know that it's unrealistic to hope for straight A's for the next two and a half semesters I have left in high school. I know perfectly well that smarts don't come naturally for me. Yet, I know that I can do it...I know that I'm really capable of anything if I try my hardest.
Today in Math, we started our statistics unit and it went over my head. Yet, as I sat there with my assignment staring me in the face, feeling frustrated that I didn't understand, I wondered if I was really trying my best or if I was just looking for the easy way.
I mean, my first reaction to that thought was "NO! Of course not!" I've been taking four online courses, I'm planning on graduating high school a year early...there is no way that I'm looking for the easy way.
But I doubt myself...I do. Just like every other human being on the planet at one point in their life or another. I started to question everything...my motives, my attitudes, my beliefs, my, well, my everything.
It's weird...those moments when everything freezes and you analyze your life and where it seems to be going. I've come to find that usually when that happens, you don't like what you see.
I wanted to change and so now I'm doing this. I'm doing the checklist to improve and to discover who it is that I am. That way, when the moment comes again, where everything seems out of place and I doubt who I'm becoming, I'll have something more to hold onto than I have now.
So, back to the 4.0. It became clearly evident that this term wouldn't be the term to get the straight A's. Trigonometry ruined that...but I'm not giving up.
One thing I'll absolutely never do is give up.
I read a book called "Thirteen Reasons Why" by Jay Asher just the other day. It was about a girl who gave up. She killed herself. She left behind 13 tapes for the people who were the "reason" for her death. In those tapes, she revealed all of the instances that led her to give up.
I think about my life now. And I know more than I know anything else that no matter how hard my life gets, I won't give up. I know at times I don't feel like I'm strong enough to handle what's coming my way. But so far, it's been okay. I've found strength through God and through angels that show their faces to me at tumultuous times in my life.
Thank you to those angels. You've given me the courage and strength to never give up.
Thank you Heavenly Father...for sending them to me.
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