That's Me: The Friendless Friend.

I guess there are always good days and bad days. In the past, my mind set has been simple: Smile and remember it will get better.
Yet, I've been smiling. I've been waiting as patiently as I can. But it isn't getting better.
I feel more alone than ever. I can't hide it anymore. Everybody knows. I guess when it comes down to it, I really don't care what everyone else thinks of me. That's their business, not mine. But I wish I had a friend. I wish I had a friend who I'd never have to wonder about. I'd never have to question their motives or hide who I am. Because now, right now, I'm standing all by myself in a crowded room, not full of strangers...I'm the only stranger. People who I once called my friends tell me now that I've changed. I never thought change was such a bad thing. I guess, the truth of the matter is that when they tell me that I've changed, it just means that I've stopped living my life their way. I'm done being a follower. I'm done being tied down by the "rules" of society. Someday, I'm convinced that I will find someone who is satisfied with me and only me. 
My mom told me today that sometimes we go through hard times to learn compassion. Someday, I'll see someone who reminds me of who I was in high school. There will be tears in their eyes as they sit by themselves and contemplate what is the matter with them. I just wish they knew...I wish that I knew...there's absolutely nothing wrong with us. It's the world that's twisted and morphed people's opinions into flawed ideals.
I'm going to help people realize just that...there is nothing wrong with them.
I refuse to be apart of that...for I know for myself what it's like to be looked at like I'm the black sheep. I know how hard it is to not take that to heart. Because it was personal. In high school, it's always personal. 
Make a true friend.
That's another item on my checklist. Yet, day after day, I feel as if this goal will be a hard one to accomplish. I'm starting to see the unfriendliness that I once mistook for ignorance. I thought that people just didn't know me. But now I know that they just don't like the person that they think I am.
But the truth? They don't know who I am.